bereavement

"Suffering the death of a loved one" is how the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word "bereaved". The equivalents in Spanish would be something like de luto / en duelo, but the definitions I found do not begin to describe the feeling that arises again when I part your company and I miss you, the same way I missed you during the time we spent together.

I got home and while I exercised before dinner I felt like crying. Tears filled my eyes. They did not reach my cheeks. They gently found their way back in or simply evaporated. If I could only stop remembering our moments of intimacy and complicity. Better still, if I could only stop grasping to our moments of intimacy and complicity. If I could only find the way to love you without hurting. If I could only let you go. If I could only let us go.

If I could only let go...