not enough

I wake up after a restless night. The certainty of something I've always felt cuts deeply, like the knife that stabs first.

My heart is not enough.

No matter what I do, no matter what I avoid. My heart was not enough for my mother. My heart was not enough for my father. I can't even talk about my brother. Too often my heart is not enough for my son. And it certainly was not enough for you.

The sun shines brightly through my window. The air is cold outside. And I'm terrified just of the thought of having to go back and face the world.